Is Helicopter Parenting Counterproductive to the Development of Children?
We have often heard the term helicopter parenting. But what is it and how does it impact the development of children?
Not all parents take the same approach to parenting. Most parents will go to great lengths to ensure that their children have access to suitable opportunities and support. But what if, in the process, parents become overly involved in their children’s life, frequently treading the line between support and micromanagement?
Many children face this reality. With increased pressure on the younger generation to continue to outperform themselves and their peers, parents may often tend to get over-involved as a means of trying to provide support to their children. This is known as helicopter parenting. While it can be beneficial for parents to be involved in their lives, it can sometimes have counterproductive effects on the child’s development.
This article looks at what helicopter parenting is, its causes, the extent to which it can hinder the development of children, especially when they are entering their adolescence, as well as how parents can avoid them.
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What is Helicopter Parenting?
Helicopter parenting refers to a parenting style that is overprotective and very involved in nature. This term was initially used by Dr Haim Ginott in his 1969 book ‘Between Parent and Teenager’. Like helicopters, these parents tend to ‘hover’, getting involved, or trying to, in all aspects of their children’s lives. Although helicopter parenting can apply to any age, most often it refers to when parents help high school or college-going students with activities they are well capable of doing on their own.
Helicopter parenting often perpetuates the idea that the child does not have competence for self-care and thus requires to be overly protected. And if there is no balance, there is a chance for helicopter parenting to have counterproductive effects. But before we consider the causes of helicopter parenting, we need to understand the effects of helicopter parenting.
What Causes Helicopter Parenting?
The causes of helicopter parenting can vary and often are influenced by a combination of societal, cultural and individual factors. Let us consider some of the more common causes that increase the incidence of helicopter parenting.
1. Fear and Safety Concerns
With the world around us becoming increasingly more dynamic, parents may feel overly anxious about the safety and well-being of their children. This fear can often result in parents becoming overly protective and involved in their children’s lives.
2. High Parental Expectations
Sometimes, parents can have high expectations for their children’s success, be it in academia, sports or various other areas of their lives. They may believe that increased involvement and micromanagement are effective strategies that will aid their children in achieving these expectations.
3. Cultural Factors
Our cultural norms and values play a significant role in our identity and the way we behave. Similarly, these also significantly influence parenting styles. For example, cultures that emphasise the importance of academic excellence and conformity can also contribute to helicopter parenting.
4. Anxiety
Parents experience feelings of anxiety or anxiety disorders which often tend to manifest in their parenting style. Thus, using control and excessive involvement while parenting can be used as a way to cope with their own fears or insecurities.
5. Social Comparison
As social beings, we often tend to compare ourselves and our achievements with others, so as parents it is quite common for them to compare with other parents who are ‘doing better than them’ and compete with them in order to keep up. This along with the desire to provide their children with every opportunity can drive parents to become excessively involved in their children’s lives.
6. Changing Family Dynamics
Family dynamics have been evolving over time such as smaller family sizes or having children at a later age. All of these changes can have a fairly strong influence on their parenting styles. For example, with fewer children to focus on, parents may invest more time and energy into each child, potentially leading to behaviours that lead to helicopter parenting.
These are just a few factors that may increase the chances of helicopter parenting. It is also important to note that while helicopter parenting is not always bad, it can have a negative effect on the development of children, which we will look at more closely in the next section.
What Are the Effects of Helicopter Parenting?
Helicopter parenting can have various impacts on children, particularly when they enter adolescence having an impact on their overall development and well-being. Here are some common effects observed in adolescents who have experienced helicopter parenting.
1. Lack of Independence
Helicopter parenting style can have an effect on the development of independence and self-reliance in adolescents. The constant involvement of parents and lack of autonomy in decision-making prevents them from developing essential life skills, problem-solving abilities and the confidence to make choices on their own.
2. Anxiety and Stress
Helicopter parenting often results in increased amounts of expectations on the child to meet high, sometimes unrealistic, parental expectations. This pressure can contribute to heightened levels of anxiety, stress and a fear of failure, leading them to feel overwhelmed by the constant management of their parents further exacerbated by the fear of disappointing them.
3. Lower Self-Esteem
The constant scrutiny often associated with helicopter parenting can ultimately lead to them doubting their abilities, feeling a lack of autonomy or struggling with their self-worth. All of these can eventually have an effect on the self-esteem of these individuals/adolescents.
4. Limited Problem-Solving & Coping Skills
When children get shielded from challenges or failures they experience, they miss out on opportunities to develop resilience, problem-solving skills and effective coping mechanisms. This is because chances to learn are often restricted by helicopter parenting styles and can deprive them of the chance to learn from their mistakes and/or setbacks which are crucial for personal growth.
5. Strained Parent-Child Relationships
Despite the intention to support and protect their children, helicopter parents’ excessive involvement can strain the relationship between parent and child. In adolescence, they might feel being micromanaged which tends to lead to conflicts, decreased communication and a distance between the parent and child.
How to Avoid Helicopter Parenting?
To avoid having a helicopter parenting style, parents should strike a healthy balance between parental involvement and also fostering independence in their children. This section looks at how parents can actively avoid being helicopter parents.
1. Promote Age-Appropriate Independence
Parents should encourage their children to take on responsibilities appropriate for their age which will gradually help increase their independence. This provides them with the opportunities to learn about decision-making and problem-solving which help them to face challenges on their own. There has to be a balance in the support and guidance they receive as well as the space they are given to learn as well as grow.
This gives children the opportunity to face challenges on their own, thereby helping them develop problem-solving skills. Guiding them with open-ended questions, encouraging critical thinking and working together to work towards solutions all enhance their resilience by emphasizing that setbacks are a normal part of life and that they can learn from those experiences.
2. Open Communication
As parents, it is important to provide a supportive and open environment, that makes the child or children feel comfortable in expressing their thoughts, concerns and desires. Parents, need to practice active listening, validate their children’s feelings and offer direction where needed. Effective and open communication encourages children to seek advice on their experiences without feeling judged or micromanaged.
3. Be Realistic
Parents want the best for their children but have to consciously remember to acknowledge them as an individual who has their own strengths, passion and areas of development. Placing unrealistic expectations on children limits them from exploring their interests and goals. Parents should also highlight the importance of effort and personal growth than simply focusing on outcomes.
4. Model Healthy Behaviours
Children often learn a lot through observing the experiences of others, particularly their parents, who should thus, be mindful of their actions and behaviours. Demonstrating a healthy balance between involvement and independence, effective problem-solving skills and showing resilience can all serve as powerful examples for children to learn from.
While helicopter parenting helps parents safeguard their children’s safety and well-being, it can also hinder their development, limiting the extent to which they are independent and resilient. As a result, parents must strike a balance between being involved and giving their children space to grow for healthy and constructive development. This allows the child to be equipped with the necessary skills and tools to navigate the challenges they will encounter in life.