How Do Trust Issues Affect Our Relationships?
Trust is fundamental for any healthy or lasting relationship. But in the absence of trust, what happens to these relationships?
Trust is one of the cornerstones of a healthy relationship, whether it is platonic or romantic, a lack of trust will make it challenging to build a lasting relationship. It is often considered that trust enables us to navigate the uncertain and complex world we live in.
Any of our relationships require a basic level of trust at the least to flourish. Yet, there are cases when individuals are not able to place their trust in others easily. This results in being doubtful of the intention of others in a relationship leading individuals to have trust issues.
This article explores the various ways in which trust, or a lack thereof, plays a role in relationships and how we can work towards building and maintaining trust in our social circles.
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Why Is Trust Important?
Trust is the extent to which we can rely or depend on someone or something and is considered to be an essential part of all our relationships. It provides us with a sense of security and safety that we usually seek from others be it for comfort or reassurance.
We can observe the various forms of trust in the relationships around us. The belief our parents have in us or where our significant other shows us love or when our colleagues treat us with respect are some examples of the different kinds of trust. This does not just apply to our long-term personal and professional relationships but can also be observed in our interactions with strangers such as doctors or taxi drivers, who we believe do not take advantage of us even if they have the opportunity to do so.
By trusting each other, we tend to be more open towards sharing intimate information about ourselves, which ultimately has been shown to reduce levels of anxiety and depression. On the other hand, when there is little to no trust in an organisation, employees tend to be less motivated and are less willing to be open about their opinions. Trust is needed in the workplace to enable the free exchange of ideas and promote a stronger workplace culture. A 2011 research study by Robert Costigan and colleagues, has shown that high levels of trust in an organisation can help reduce turnover rates, improve interpersonal relationships that are less transactional and also reduces our tendency to lean towards groupthink.
Trust can take a long time to develop. However, it just takes a split second to destroy said trust and twice as long to rebuild it. In fact, Individuals who demonstrate trust issues typically have had negative experiences with others or organisations they had initially considered to be trustworthy. The next section considers a few negative experiences that can contribute towards individuals developing trust issues.
What Causes Trust Issues?
Trust issues are frequently the result of negative past events, with 2 key aspects that affect the presence or absence of trust among individuals namely attachment style and trauma-related response.
1. Attachment Style
One of psychology’s foundational theories, attachment theory, proposes that the bond we share with our primary caregivers serves as a blueprint for how we form relationships in the future as an adult. For instance, those who demonstrate insecure attachment styles, wherein individuals who tend to push others away, and have abandonment issues, are more likely to be observed as having trust issues. This is supported by research findings which show that the level of trust in romantic relationships was closely associated with the attachment styles formed by the individual during their childhood.
2. Trauma
Experiencing a traumatic event can sometimes result in high levels of distrust among individuals. Traumatic experiences do not necessarily mean isolated negative experiences but can also include long-term exposure to unhealthy behaviours, which over time can be severely damaging. For example, research on this topic in the context of childhood experiences has shown that childhood maltreatment was directly associated with greater levels of distrust, with more extreme experiences being related to more resistant distrust.
Similarly, past relationships also result in something often referred to as ‘betrayal trauma’ which leads to the loss of trust in a relationship. A common example of this is an act of infidelity. Studies have found that individuals who have experienced betrayal trauma lose trust not just in their romantic partners but also in other individuals. But how do we know if someone has trust issues?
What Are the Signs of Trust Issues?
Certain behaviours can indicate that individuals are not fully trusting of others in various relationships. This section considers a handful of signs that are commonly associated with trust issues.
1. Assuming the Worst
People with trust issues often tend to assume the worst of others regardless of how trustworthy they have proven to be, particularly if they have been dishonest in the past. These individuals also tend to believe that people are acting with ulterior motives.
2. Avoiding Vulnerability
People who struggle with trust issues frequently avoid being vulnerable with others. There is an underlying fear of being transparent or vulnerable, with some individuals even going as far as believing that it is impossible to build a trusting or lasting relationship.
3. Isolating from Others
When trust is an issue, individuals tend to distance themselves from others out of fear that they will be betrayed or disappointed later. This can often lead to individuals to want to be the perfect version of themselves as a way to protect themselves from being hurt.
How to Overcome Trust Issues?
Despite seeming to be a mammoth task, there are various ways in which we can overcome our trust issues.
1. Build Trust Slowly
It is essential to establish a certain amount of trust in others to maintain a healthy relationship with them. Taking out time to do so can aid in the process. You need to be cautious if you begin to trust someone way too quickly; taking a step back and reworking your way to obtain that level of trust in a more well-paced manner can be beneficial for you.
2. Communicate
Communication is another key facet of maintaining a healthy relationship. Being open and transparent about why you struggle with building trust; communicating your struggles will allow others to understand you better and be more conscious of how their actions can be perceived.
3. Acknowledge the Risk
We need to be aware of the risk that comes with trusting others. Despite there being a risk that someone may let us down at least once in our lives it does not imply that the relationship is doomed. Setting clear expectations and boundaries as well as communicating them across can potentially strengthen the level of trust we share with others.
4. Get Help
Sometimes, regardless of numerous attempts to overcome trust issues, you might often find yourselves at an impasse. In these situations, it is completely ok to accept that you need help. By finding a qualified therapist you can start working towards overcoming your trust issues.
Through this article, we have explored the ways in which trust issues can develop from unpleasant experiences throughout our life which ultimately have adverse effects on our future relationships. In order to overcome trust issues we should keep in mind its importance and ensure that we are being mindful when it comes to building trust with others. Doing this allows us to build a strong foundation of trust that helps develop closer ties and extend our connections that stand the test of time.
References Costigan, R. D., Insinga, R. C., Berman, J. J., Kranas, G., & Kureshov, V. A. (2011). Revisiting the relationship of supervisor trust and CEO trust to turnover intentions: A three-country comparative study. Journal of World Business, 46(1), 74-83. Gobin, R. L., & Freyd, J. J. (2014). The impact of betrayal trauma on the tendency to trust. Psychological Trauma: Theory, Research, Practice, and Policy, 6(5), 505. Hepp, J., Schmitz, S. E., Urbild, J., Zauner, K., & Niedtfeld, I. (2021). Childhood maltreatment is associated with distrust and negatively biased emotion processing. Borderline personality disorder and emotion dysregulation, 8, 1-14. Rodriguez, L. M., DiBello, A. M., Øverup, C. S., & Neighbors, C. (2015). The price of distrust: Trust, anxious attachment, jealousy, and partner abuse. Partner abuse, 6(3), 298-319. |
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